This is the worst tragedy of my life. I adopted a beaufiful little girl. She had blonde curly hair, big blue eyes, and a great personality. She was the center of my life and I enjoyed every moment I spent with her. I took her with me whereever I went. When she was 3 1/2 years old, I left her home one day with a nanny, while I went out for lunch with a friend. When I came back 1 hour later, there were police cars parked all over my lawn and I learned that she had been taken by helicopter to the hospital. She had fallen into the swimming pool. I rushed to the hospital and learned that we had lost her. I felt as if someone had ripped out part of my heart. I had just spent the morning with her, playing games, laughing, and loving. Now she was gone. I felt numb.

All of my friends and family came to stay with me and comfort me, but I was in a deep depression. I sat in my house and cried. I did not get dress, get my hair done, my nails done, or go out for about six months. Then one day I was sitting there and some of my friends came to visit and try to get me out of the house. I could tell that they still sincerely felt awful, but did not want to be around someone who is so down. I said to myself, you have three choices: You can sit here and feel sorry for yourself, and loose all of your friends, and waste the rest of your life; you can kill yourself; or you can get up, get dressed and go on with your life because you cannot bring her back. I did get up, got a haircut, had my nails done, put a smile on my face (even though my heart was breaking) and joined the living again.

It has now been 23 years since that awful day, and I cannot say that the hole in my heart is gone, it is still there and I still think about my beautiful little girl and how unfair it was that we did not get to spend more time together. However, I did adopt another baby girl and she is just as beautiful and important as Sarah. I love her so much. She has brought so much joy into my life.

When I think back to that time I feel like her death and the circumstances surrounding it is like a black pit. After she died I was in that pit and could not claw my way out. So, once I got out I made it my business to never go near that pit ever again, because if I do, I will fall in and I don't know if I could get out again.